Meditating in My Car: A Prison Educator’s Guide to Pandemic Survival
It has been a struggle to find a silver lining in all of this, so I have not written in this blog very much over the past year. It was depressing and everything looked bleak. I recognize that I am in an extremely privileged position in that I am not experiencing homelessness or unemployment or job insecurity, but this year has still been hard, and now on top of it being hard, I am also feeling guilty for being so overwhelmed and depressed. Homeschool was a disaster and stressful. I never want to do it again. Correspondence courses were really hard. (It took the part of my job that I do not like — grading — and made it the only thing I did…many professors do not like grading. We are always trying to find ways to do it faster or more in-depth or make it more engaging or just make it less painful to do). My gym was closed. During the summer, it was blazing hot outside, so I was stuck inside all day every day with two really active boys, and no real outlets for their energy. Not to mention being with my husband all the time. I love them, but sometimes I had to go meditate in my car just to escape from them. My constant mantra was: even if my life during the pandemic was better than someone else’s life, my feelings of depression and hopelessness are valid feelings. I can feel grateful for what I have, love my family, and feel depressed or want to escape at the same time.
Before I walk back into the prison setting to teach my classes, I want to spend a little time reviewing this past year. The new normal is going to be stressful enough, but I want to give myself a little space for how far I have come. During the recent department training session, our faculty lead stressed the importance of self-care during this time, and I realized this whole year, I have really been focused on self-care. It was more survival than anything else. If I hadn’t, I do not know if my family and I would have made it through. I constantly scanned essays on self-care tips, and it turned out that most of the time, I was doing everything on the list, and still feeling burned out. Sometimes there is nothing that you can do except lean into it and know that eventually you will feel differently.
Here are some of the self-care things I am currently using that have been the most helpful:
- Meditation: I use Insight Timer for guided meditations and for music for my meditations. My Audible subscription also has some guided meditation courses. It is not really necessary to empty your mind of all thought in order to get something out of meditation. Sometimes, I just sit there and listen to the music and let my mind race around while I breath. I still feel calmer at the end. It is sometimes hard to find a quiet place to do this. I have been known to hide in the car or the garage. I also have been involving my children in some meditation, which has been successful about half the time. Sometimes the dog also gets involved. (See picture above)
- Yoga: Yoga is the best! I tried to do it on my own at home, but the dog kept jumping on me, and then the kids kept jumping on me. It was also hard to be in a yoga position and then have to get someone a drink or a snack or something. I ended up injuring myself when getting in and out of poses. I am so happy that I can once again do yoga with an instructor. We are spending more and more time in front of the computer, and my body has not felt great about it, so yoga has really been helpful.
- Gym: I have been going back to the gym. I switch off between swimming, spin bike, and TRX. I have not felt comfortable bringing the kids back to the gym until they can be vaccinated, but it is coming! The gym has a kid zone that my kids loved. It has a huge play area and usually there were children to play with.
- Napping: Napping is a must. One of my children was getting scared in the middle of the night, multiple times a night, and I just could not get a full night’s rest. It made me feel guilty at first, but if I did not lie down during the day, I could not make it through to the end.
5. Puzzles: Sometimes I just need to do something to take my mind off all my worrying, so I get out a puzzle. I have to quell the frustration because my children will lose the pieces or drop them on the floor and the dog will get them, but I just have to remember that putting together the puzzle perfectly with all the pieces is not really the point. My children have been doing puzzles with me as well, so I have gotten some easier ones for them.
6. Sartori Board: You draw on it with water and then it disappears. It has helped me feel a little calmer. You can write whatever words or pictures on it you want and then it just melts away.
7. Painting Classes: I usually go to Yaymaker (which they have on-line as well as in-person right now), do a youtube video, or paint something on my own. Sometimes I just cover the canvas in blue. It helps me slow down.
8. Letting go Box: I write down everything I cannot control and put it in the box. My higher power has it now.
9. Children Activities: So much of what is going on right now with the children has not been fun, so it was nice to create a list of things we are going to do this year. Going to the Roller Rink, Skiing, and Camping are on the list.
10. Trip Plans: I am going on an overseas vacation next year, but just the idea of it improved my mood for weeks, and I still feel a little bit better when I remember I am going.
11. Facebook: The first week of on-line school, I updated my facebook message to read: “ahhhhhhhhh! I just needed to scream into the void. I feel better now.” It did make me feel better.
12. Reconnecting: I have lost track of some really good friends over the years, and I have been trying one-by-one to contact them and get back in touch. It has been extremely healing. One of them even managed to come for a visit!
I hope some of these tips are new ones for you and that you find as much relief as I have. We are still in the midst of this situation, and it looks like it is not going anywhere soon. Take care of yourself.
It has been a struggle to find a silver lining in all of this, so I have not written in this blog very much over the past year. It was depressing and everything looked bleak. I recognize that I am in an extremely privileged position in that I am not experiencing homelessness or unemployment or job insecurity, but this year has still been hard, and now on top of it being hard, I am also feeling guilty for being so overwhelmed and depressed. Homeschool was a disaster and stressful. I never want to do it again. Correspondence courses were really hard. (It took the part of my job that I do not like — grading — and made it the only thing I did…many professors do not like grading. We are always trying to find ways to do it faster or more in-depth or make it more engaging or just make it less painful to do). My gym was closed. During the summer, it was blazing hot outside, so I was stuck inside all day every day with two really active boys, and no real outlets for their energy. Not to mention being with my husband all the time. I love them, but sometimes I had to go meditate in my car just to escape from them. My constant mantra was: even if my life during the pandemic was better than someone else’s life, my feelings of depression and hopelessness are valid feelings. I can feel grateful for what I have, love my family, and feel depressed or want to escape at the same time.
Before I walk back into the prison setting to teach my classes, I want to spend a little time reviewing this past year. The new normal is going to be stressful enough, but I want to give myself a little space for how far I have come. During the recent department training session, our faculty lead stressed the importance of self-care during this time, and I realized this whole year, I have really been focused on self-care. It was more survival than anything else. If I hadn’t, I do not know if my family and I would have made it through. I constantly scanned essays on self-care tips, and it turned out that most of the time, I was doing everything on the list, and still feeling burned out. Sometimes there is nothing that you can do except lean into it and know that eventually you will feel differently.
Here are some of the self-care things I am currently using that have been the most helpful:
- Meditation: I use Insight Timer for guided meditations and for music for my meditations. My Audible subscription also has some guided meditation courses. It is not really necessary to empty your mind of all thought in order to get something out of meditation. Sometimes, I just sit there and listen to the music and let my mind race around while I breath. I still feel calmer at the end. It is sometimes hard to find a quiet place to do this. I have been known to hide in the car or the garage. I also have been involving my children in some meditation, which has been successful about half the time. Sometimes the dog also gets involved. (See picture above)
- Yoga: Yoga is the best! I tried to do it on my own at home, but the dog kept jumping on me, and then the kids kept jumping on me. It was also hard to be in a yoga position and then have to get someone a drink or a snack or something. I ended up injuring myself when getting in and out of poses. I am so happy that I can once again do yoga with an instructor. We are spending more and more time in front of the computer, and my body has not felt great about it, so yoga has really been helpful.
- Gym: I have been going back to the gym. I switch off between swimming, spin bike, and TRX. I have not felt comfortable bringing the kids back to the gym until they can be vaccinated, but it is coming! The gym has a kid zone that my kids loved. It has a huge play area and usually there were children to play with.
- Napping: Napping is a must. One of my children was getting scared in the middle of the night, multiple times a night, and I just could not get a full night’s rest. It made me feel guilty at first, but if I did not lie down during the day, I could not make it through to the end.
5. Puzzles: Sometimes I just need to do something to take my mind off all my worrying, so I get out a puzzle. I have to quell the frustration because my children will lose the pieces or drop them on the floor and the dog will get them, but I just have to remember that putting together the puzzle perfectly with all the pieces is not really the point. My children have been doing puzzles with me as well, so I have gotten some easier ones for them.
6. Sartori Board: You draw on it with water and then it disappears. It has helped me feel a little calmer. You can write whatever words or pictures on it you want and then it just melts away.
7. Painting Classes: I usually go to Yaymaker (which they have on-line as well as in-person right now), do a youtube video, or paint something on my own. Sometimes I just cover the canvas in blue. It helps me slow down.
8. Letting go Box: I write down everything I cannot control and put it in the box. My higher power has it now.
9. Children Activities: So much of what is going on right now with the children has not been fun, so it was nice to create a list of things we are going to do this year. Going to the Roller Rink, Skiing, and Camping are on the list.
10. Trip Plans: I am going on an overseas vacation next year, but just the idea of it improved my mood for weeks, and I still feel a little bit better when I remember I am going.
11. Facebook: The first week of on-line school, I updated my facebook message to read: “ahhhhhhhhh! I just needed to scream into the void. I feel better now.” It did make me feel better.
12. Reconnecting: I have lost track of some really good friends over the years, and I have been trying one-by-one to contact them and get back in touch. It has been extremely healing. One of them even managed to come for a visit!
I hope some of these tips are new ones for you and that you find as much relief as I have. We are still in the midst of this situation, and it looks like it is not going anywhere soon. Take care of yourself.
It has been a struggle to find a silver lining in all of this, so I have not written in this blog very much over the past year. It was depressing and everything looked bleak. I recognize that I am in an extremely privileged position in that I am not experiencing homelessness or unemployment or job insecurity, but this year has still been hard, and now on top of it being hard, I am also feeling guilty for being so overwhelmed and depressed. Homeschool was a disaster and stressful. I never want to do it again. Correspondence courses were really hard. (It took the part of my job that I do not like — grading — and made it the only thing I did…many professors do not like grading. We are always trying to find ways to do it faster or more in-depth or make it more engaging or just make it less painful to do). My gym was closed. During the summer, it was blazing hot outside, so I was stuck inside all day every day with two really active boys, and no real outlets for their energy. Not to mention being with my husband all the time. I love them, but sometimes I had to go meditate in my car just to escape from them. My constant mantra was: even if my life during the pandemic was better than someone else’s life, my feelings of depression and hopelessness are valid feelings. I can feel grateful for what I have, love my family, and feel depressed or want to escape at the same time.
Before I walk back into the prison setting to teach my classes, I want to spend a little time reviewing this past year. The new normal is going to be stressful enough, but I want to give myself a little space for how far I have come. During the recent department training session, our faculty lead stressed the importance of self-care during this time, and I realized this whole year, I have really been focused on self-care. It was more survival than anything else. If I hadn’t, I do not know if my family and I would have made it through. I constantly scanned essays on self-care tips, and it turned out that most of the time, I was doing everything on the list, and still feeling burned out. Sometimes there is nothing that you can do except lean into it and know that eventually you will feel differently.
Here are some of the self-care things I am currently using that have been the most helpful:
- Meditation: I use Insight Timer for guided meditations and for music for my meditations. My Audible subscription also has some guided meditation courses. It is not really necessary to empty your mind of all thought in order to get something out of meditation. Sometimes, I just sit there and listen to the music and let my mind race around while I breath. I still feel calmer at the end. It is sometimes hard to find a quiet place to do this. I have been known to hide in the car or the garage. I also have been involving my children in some meditation, which has been successful about half the time. Sometimes the dog also gets involved. (See picture above)
- Yoga: Yoga is the best! I tried to do it on my own at home, but the dog kept jumping on me, and then the kids kept jumping on me. It was also hard to be in a yoga position and then have to get someone a drink or a snack or something. I ended up injuring myself when getting in and out of poses. I am so happy that I can once again do yoga with an instructor. We are spending more and more time in front of the computer, and my body has not felt great about it, so yoga has really been helpful.
- Gym: I have been going back to the gym. I switch off between swimming, spin bike, and TRX. I have not felt comfortable bringing the kids back to the gym until they can be vaccinated, but it is coming! The gym has a kid zone that my kids loved. It has a huge play area and usually there were children to play with.
- Napping: Napping is a must. One of my children was getting scared in the middle of the night, multiple times a night, and I just could not get a full night’s rest. It made me feel guilty at first, but if I did not lie down during the day, I could not make it through to the end.
5. Puzzles: Sometimes I just need to do something to take my mind off all my worrying, so I get out a puzzle. I have to quell the frustration because my children will lose the pieces or drop them on the floor and the dog will get them, but I just have to remember that putting together the puzzle perfectly with all the pieces is not really the point. My children have been doing puzzles with me as well, so I have gotten some easier ones for them.
6. Sartori Board: You draw on it with water and then it disappears. It has helped me feel a little calmer. You can write whatever words or pictures on it you want and then it just melts away.
7. Painting Classes: I usually go to Yaymaker (which they have on-line as well as in-person right now), do a youtube video, or paint something on my own. Sometimes I just cover the canvas in blue. It helps me slow down.
8. Letting go Box: I write down everything I cannot control and put it in the box. My higher power has it now.
9. Children Activities: So much of what is going on right now with the children has not been fun, so it was nice to create a list of things we are going to do this year. Going to the Roller Rink, Skiing, and Camping are on the list.
10. Trip Plans: I am going on an overseas vacation next year, but just the idea of it improved my mood for weeks, and I still feel a little bit better when I remember I am going.
11. Facebook: The first week of on-line school, I updated my facebook message to read: “ahhhhhhhhh! I just needed to scream into the void. I feel better now.” It did make me feel better.
12. Reconnecting: I have lost track of some really good friends over the years, and I have been trying one-by-one to contact them and get back in touch. It has been extremely healing. One of them even managed to come for a visit!
I hope some of these tips are new ones for you and that you find as much relief as I have. We are still in the midst of this situation, and it looks like it is not going anywhere soon. Take care of yourself.
